Friday, March 18, 2011

Beta In

It's negative. Just like I thought. I wish I could go back in time and make better decisions. The only thing I ever wanted to do was be a mommy. Now its pretty clear that its impossible. DH and I just can't make babies. All hope is gone. I always pick up the pieces and keep going. This time I'm not picking up the pieces, I'm just going to turn my back and walk away from our shattered dreams. But where am I headed now? What does my future look like without a family? What does God want me to do with my life since He won't let me be a mommy? I really hope the extent of His plan for me is not just selling stamps at the post office. I mean really, my life has got to have more purpose than that. I just have no idea what it is.
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7 comments:

  1. shocksMarch 18, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    I am sooo sorry! I wish I had words to make it better. I will be praying God brings you peace and leads you down the right path. Hugs!

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  2. SasMarch 18, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    i'm so sorry. UGH. hate negative. i know few words can comfort you right now. praying for only comfort and sanctuary God can provide in this confusing/frustrating time.

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  3. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    I am so sorry! Please remember NOTHING is impossible with God.

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  4. UnknownMarch 19, 2011 at 3:20 PM

    I'm sorry Jen. I know that there is nothing I can say, although I wish there was. I did want to share something I read a while back though. I read somewhere that God does have a plan for those that he doesn't bless with children. For some the want of children may diminish over time but others truly were blessed with a "mother's or father's" heart. For those maybe God has plans for them other than children of their own. Perhaps he intends for them to be caretakers for others that don't have any or need additional love. This could be other children that are unwanted (adoption or foster care) children in your life that need some extra love (nieces, nephews, big/little brother/sisters, or even teaching or daycare children), or the elderly.

    I thought of this because I have read when you have spoken of a mother's heart and it immediately brought that to mind. YOU DO have a mother's heart, but maybe God gave you an exceptionally strong mother's heart so that you can offer love that most people aren't as capable of doing. I know you really bond with and love your niece, so maybe that's it, or maybe it's helping siblings or taking care of your parents if they need it someday or opening your home to others.

    I do know you believe that he has a plan for you guys. I know that whatever love you offer to those around you, God does have an intention for that great heart he gave you.

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  5. RachelMarch 19, 2011 at 6:10 PM

    I'm so sorry. I hope that Godd will show you his plan for you soon. Right now I'm fearing that I will be sharing you fate.

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  6. BabyRNMarch 24, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    I am so sorry! I will be praying for you.

    I nominated you for a blogger award.

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  7. Matt and Talley MacMarch 25, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    I'm so sorry Jen, :-(
    Praying for your broken heart, that you will find peace and healing. Praying for the desires of your heart to be fulfilled. Praying that you feel God's arms wrapped around you during this time, even when you feel like he has betrayed you.

    HUGS and prayers.

    Talley

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