Garden Harvest

This year I decided to start canning some of the the things from my garden. Peaches are actually one of the few things I can't grow myself. But even though I didn't grow them myself, canned fresh peaches are way better than store bought canned peaches. Its a new experiment since I've never canned before but I actually really like it. There is something rewarding about growing and storing your own food. Today my wonderful DH was kind enough to help me can peaches and make some fresh salsa. We didn't can the salsa this time but plan to next time. Its so yummy! We definitely eat healthy during the summer months. I have also already made strawberry jam, mint jelly, apple jelly and canned green beans. I planned on pickles this year but mine didn't grow well so I have to find some at a farmers market and haven't been able to so far. I love to watch my pantry fill up with the fruits of my own labor!

Songs That Speak

"These Things Take Time" -Santus Real

I am a huge fan of Christian radio. I think what we surround ourselves with has a huge impact on who we are and how we live. I've always been into music as a way of soul searching and reflecting. Sometimes music speaks with words I couldn't form on my own and it brings about emotions I don't otherwise feel. Several years ago I was taking the dog for a walk and for some reason all the radio stations on my headset weren't coming in.....except for one. So I listened to it, it was better than nothing right? Well I got hooked and haven't listened to anything since. If you don't have a Christian radio station near you, I seriously suggest you go here and listen online.

Since songs speak to me in a special way I want to start sharing some with you. For the first edition of my Songs That Speak series, I had a hard time choosing just one. Finally, I settled on one called "These Things Take Time" by Santus Real. Click above to listen, I hope it speaks to you as well.

Coolest Vegetable Ever!

This year I planted something new in my garden, spaghetti squash. It is about the coolest vegetable I've ever tried. When cooked the inside comes out stringy like spaghetti and I have to say it tastes about the same too. As a pasta lover I'm excited about this much healthier alternative. The only downside is that I get hungrier much faster than with actual pasta but its still a great diet food. Since I've been working at my new job its been much easier to go to the gym but I still haven't lost any weight. This week I started counting calories again so hopefully I'll be able to make some progress soon.

Surrendering Control

Surrendering control of your life takes a lot of trust and a lot of faith. But the rewards are countless. The very first thing I truly surrendered was our finances. I remember when we first got married how stressed we would get about money. After a couple years we finally let it go and stopped worrying about it. No, money did not magically start falling from heaven and I still haven't found a money tree but the Lord has provided for us. There are times where I would start to worry but just reminded myself that God loves us and will take care of us. I really can't remember any times that we were really hard up for money in the past several years, not that we haven't been but it doesn't stand out in my memory because I never let it worry me or stress me out.

The second thing I really had to surrender took longer. It took four years of infertility before I surrendered it. But it was surrendering more than my fertility, I had to surrender my hopes, my dreams, and my future. It is not in my power to control it so why bother. Its not easy to explain to others how to give up control. I wish I had all the answers and could draw a simple map for others about how to find the peace and joy in the Lord that I've found. Last Sunday our Pastor said you don't have to be happy, you just have to be joyful. A few years ago that wouldn't have meant anything but now it spoke right to my heart. After 26 years the difference between happiness and joy is crystal clear. Thank you Lord for teaching me so much through my infertility. What a blessing!

So now I'm feeling stressed about my job and I keep reminding myself that it is not in my control and I wouldn't want it to be. I'm more than happy to sit back and let God work it all out for the best, I always make the wrong choices anyway. As I said the other day, he has brought me to this place for a reason, he won't abandon me now. In fact He has taken care of me for 26 years and it keeps getting better, He won't fail me now. It will all work out just fine. Praise the Lord for his guiding and all knowing hand!

Here's something else I've been thinking seriously about lately. Sin. DH's brother says he'll find a church and get baptized when he settles down and gets married. I know why, its because he doesn't want to give up his life of sin and he doesn't want to be held accountable for his actions. He thinks being a Christian means you have to be good. But here's the part he doesn't understand. Having Jesus in your life doesn't mean you don't sin and it doesn't mean that you have to want to life a Godly life - at first. Eventually as you grow in your faith and come to love Christ and fully understand what He does for you, you start to desire living a Godly life and serving him because you just love him so darn much you want to please your Heavenly Father - much like little boys want to please their earthly fathers. But that is certainly not expected for someone who is just coming to Jesus and new to their faith. We all have sins we don't want to give up, I even have sins that I don't want to ask forgiveness for because I don't want to stop, even though I know its wrong. I know I should pray for help in giving up these sins but I'm afraid if I pray for that I might actually get help and might actually give them up! That's how sin is sometimes, sometimes it makes you feel good and you like it, even though you know its wrong. I think DH's brother thinks if he becomes a Christian he'll have to be a "saint" like DH. And someday he might be but only when he comes to that same depth of faith that DH is at. Right now the Lord is going to work on his heart whether he wants it or not because my family is praying like crazy for DH's family to find Christ and we all know that Jesus loves to answer prayer, He just works slowly sometimes. And why not? He has all the time in the world to save another soul, what's the rush for Him? We're the ones running out of time.

Change is Scary

Things are changing at work. I don't remember what I've said about here but this summer I started working more regular hours at a bigger post office. And I have been loving it! Now the boss is temporarily leaving and my job is not secure. Because of the government being as complicated as it is I'm not officially hired regular there and with someone new coming in I may or may not get to stay. There is talk of someone I know will let me stay filling the job and that may open up for me to be full time between my home office and this bigger office. Or they could get someone else that doesn't want me to stay and I'll go back to just getting a few hours a week at my home office. But I really like things just the way they are and really want to stay part time at this bigger office. My new boss said he put in a really good report for me to the district boss. Who knows what will happen and I'm feeling a little distressed. I know God will work it all out for good and this could turn out to be a really good opportunity for me. I just don't know. All I know is that I really like things just the way they are and I don't want them to change. Life is good, life is stable, life is just the way I want it. So much for my smooth sailing, here comes some bumps ahead!

Life On The Other Side

I always thought that getting to the other side of infertility meant I would have a baby. Now I feel like I'm on the other side even though my arms are still empty. Its a weird place to be. I can't really relate to those who have babies but yet I no longer relate to those going through treatments and struggling with their infertility. Although I understand the pain I just don't connect with it anymore. I feel my world has become smaller because now I'm in a small group of complete as two, yet at the same time I feel so much more freedom. Freedom to openly love my niece and nephew without jealousy, freedom to say with sincerity we are no longer seeking children to fulfill us, freedom to plan my time and schedule as I choose and not depending on my cycle and the freedom to enjoy life without feeling like something is missing. Infertility does not define who I am anymore. I honestly feel like infertility is behind me. A year ago I would have despaired over accepting a childless life, now I'm embracing it.

I understand if I lose followers because I may be hard to relate to now days. I have to confess that I stop reading blogs when someone achieves pregnancy. Even those I've been following for a long time. While I'm happy for them, its just too hard to keep reading. I'm just not strong enough yet to read about someone else's pregnancy without letting jealousy over take me. My progress with my SIL is huge for me right now. We just went on a 4 day vacation with my family. I held my niece for hours every day we were gone and I'm so in love. She may not be mine but I've bonded with her in a way I never did the daycare kids. When we got home I actually missed having her around. Times like those I realize my desire to be a mommy is not gone and I've not given up. I've just accepted that I have time to wait. Time to wait for God to fulfill his plan for me. Time to enjoy what He's given me today and trusting that He will give me what I need when the time is right. Patiently waiting is not as hard as it used to be. I'm so happy with my new job right now that I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I was led here very specifically by God's guiding hand. I've wanted this job for 5 years, I never really pursued it but God has provided. His hand has been so clear the whole time, slow though it may have seemed. I may not know why but I'm very content to enjoy what I have and waiting for whatever He has in store. I know it will be worth the wait. I'm coming to understand just how slow God's timing is by our standards but just right by His. I still think He will give us a baby someday. I'm not always sure that's what I want anymore which is all the more reason to put it in His hands. So "While I'm Waiting" I will worship, I will praise, I will sing, I will dance, I will rejoice, I may cry, I might get jealous sometimes, my heart might break, we may have trials and my cup may runeth over but the important part is that while I'm waiting I will rejoice in the blessings AND sorrows I have today and tomorrow I will wake up and do the same; the next day I will do the same thing until one day I wake up with the Lord himself and on that day I will finally have what we are all waiting for.