Just Be Held

You all know I'm a big Casting Crowns fan so I'm super excited they have a new album out.  I'm also going to their concert again in April, this will be the third time for me.  I'm a fan of several different kinds of music.  I am most definitely not musically talented but still feel a connection to music as a listener.  It makes me think, helps me understand my feelings and see things in a way I can't quite put into words on my own.  Whenever I hear a song from the past that was an old favorite I can tell you exactly what was happening in my life at that time and why I felt a connection to that song and it brings those feelings back.


Here are a couple lines that really speak to my heart "And when your tired of fighting, chained by your control,  There's freedom in surrender, lay it down and let it go". "Your world's not falling apart, its falling into place, I'm on the Throne, stop holding on and just be held."


 I've been trying to focus more on the important things in life lately.  For a long time I have been caught up in doing things my own way and not really wanting God to be part of my life like He used to be.  I think its because I had some sins I didn't want to let go of and by pushing God away it made it easier to hold on to them.  Then one day a couple months ago I prayed and told God I didn't want to give them up but that I knew I had to and it would be hard but I was ready to lay it down and let it go.  And it did feel like my world was falling apart and it was really hard to let it go, I was tempted so many times to go back to those sins.  I still am, Satan knows my weaknesses and will always be calling me back to dark places.  So many things have changed for the better since I did that, I just feel happier and more at peace.  Sometimes its really hard to let go but we have to do it and someday we can look back and see how it really was an important step for things to fall into place according to His plan.   I'm not the faithful child I once was but I always come back to My Father with a deeper understanding of His love.   


Here's a couple more lines I like.  "And not a tear is wasted, in time you'll understand, I'm painting beauty with the ashes, your life is in my hands."  "In the storm is where you'll find Me, And where you are I'll hold your heart."  


When I think about things that I am currently struggling with I wonder how much I bring it on myself.  Maybe I'm so focused on the storm that I can't see anything else, maybe I keep myself in my own sorrow.  There is joy to be found in the storm. The storm is where God works His wonders on us.  I don't know why I keep
fighting to get myself out of the storms, I know God will protect me whether I fight or just sit back and relax.  It would save myself a lot of trouble if I would stop fighting and let Him do His work on me. There is joy to be found here, I just have to look. 


DH and I have been through a lot of stuff over the years.  The longer we are together the more we recognize and honestly accept our own faults rather than being defensive and protecting ourselves.  Now sometimes an
accusation is responded to with a "yeah your right", instead of more angry words.  There have been many times that a fight ends with me crying in DH's arms about how broken I am, how I fail as a wife and mother and how I will never be the person God wants me to be or even the person I want to be.  DH always says that he loves me more at those times then any other, when I'm vulnerable and my soul is bared.  I'm an ugly mess,falling apart and he loves me more.  Joy in the storm.  I think when we're honest with ourselves we're all a broken mess inside.  But He is painting beauty with the ashes. 


Father, thank you for taking me back into Your arms no matter how many times I try to go my own way.  Your love is so hard for me to understand when I know how unworthy of a sinner I am.  Thank you for the hard times that bring me back to You and remind me how much beauty you really do paint from the ashes.   Protect me from myself and my own weaknesses.  When it feels like my world is falling apart, help me to keep my eyes and heart focused on You, let go and just be held.