Monday, February 17, 2014


My heart hurts today.  A good friend really hurt me this week.   I won't get into details but I'm not sure our friendship will be repaired this time.  Maybe its a good thing, maybe its a mistake, I'm not really sure.  I gave this person a huge part of me and now I'm wondering how to go on without it.  I used to go this friend about everything in my life, good, bad, exciting, boring or just to talk about nothing at all.  So now it feels empty, like something is missing.

I know DH should be my best friend.  But everyone needs someone on the outside.  Someone they can talk to for a different perspective.   I have other friends but not like this.  Not someone I talk to almost every day and that knows my deepest darkest secrets.  I'm not really mad at this person.  I've never really bought into all that not hurting people you love stuff.  Its life, people are going to hurt you and your going to hurt them, even if you love them.  The only perfect love is the love Our Father has for us.

 Forgiveness was never in question, its always just automatic with this person.  I'm a little angry though.  I'm not perfect, I hurt people too but I usually feel bad enough to at least offer a band-aid afterward.  It makes me angry when someone can just walk away like nothing happened.  But we never really know how other people deal with things, not everyone expresses themselves the way I do.   

Do you ever notice how sometimes other people don't understand forgiveness?  Even Christians who know what Jesus did for us and hear endless sermons on forgiveness don't really understand it.  When someone wrongs you, they expect you to be mad and hate them and so when you don't they seem confused or feel worse.  Of course some people go on with their lives, not even seeming to care whether you forgive them or not.  But for some people I think it hurts them more when you forgive them and still love them because they know they don't deserve it.   How true of God's forgiveness towards us.  We did nothing to deserve it, usually we take it for granted and continue on with our sins. We are so unworthy of forgiveness yet Our Father gives it anyway.   

Thank you Father for sending Your Son to bear the burden of my sins even though I don't deserve Your forgiveness.  Please heal my hurt and fill this emptiness with peace and love for You.   

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