It seemed like we waited forever for our homestudy to get approved. We were used to everything moving so fast that this wait was killing me. At least if we were waiting to get a match the possibility was out there but this just seemed like wasted time. It took a month from our last homestudy meeting for our homestudy to get written by our SW and approved by the agency. On April 4 we officially became a waiting family, our books were out and our profile was online.
In the month waiting for approval I had 4 grant applications ready to go. Our agency has a list of possible grants but I could only find 4 that worked for our situation, many of them apply to international or special needs. Once I got a copy of our homestudy I got those in the mail ASAP. Most grants you can't get after finalization so I wanted to have them out right away in case we got a fast placement. I'm still not sure how that works if I don't hear from them before placement since we owe $18k at placement. Hopefully if we do get awarded a grant after placement, the agency will still accept it and refund us the over payment.
Once we were officially waiting I went nuts buying baby stuff. It was addicting! I NEVER thought I would be that way. After all our years of infertility I was conditioned to hate and avoid all things baby related. I always said if we did have a baby I would only buy a few things we needed only because we needed them. I don't know what happened to all my bitterness but God slowly worked on my heart and took away much of the pain and anger over infertility. I feel like we hit the rewind button and were expecting our baby after just starting to TTC. The pain of the past 5 years is mostly forgotten. I felt God urging me to go ahead and be prepared. Also around Easter He really put it on my heart to start praying for our birthmom. I thought that meant our baby was on the way and she was maybe just finding out she was pregnant and deciding what to do. But I was wrong :)
After less than 4 weeks of officially waiting I came home for lunch to a grinning husband. I asked what was up and why he looked so happy. He said we had a message on the machine from our SW asking us to call her back. At our final meeting she had said that she wouldn't call unless she had good news, anything else she would email or text. So hubby told me to call her, I said I can't I'm too nervous, he said he would, I said no I want to.....we went back and forth a while before I finally did it. She said we had been chosen by a birthmom already! Holy cow that was fast!! I was literally shaking as she explained the details of our upcoming meeting. She would not say when the baby was due or if it was a girl or boy. After hanging up I went from excitement to panic. I can't be a mom, what happened to my several months of waiting and adjusting to the idea of adoption? Guess who cried all night again? Yep, this girl. Adoption is so much more emotional than I thought it would be.
In 10 days we had a meeting scheduled with the birthparents. I had no idea what to expect but was trying not to think about it.