J is 7 weeks old now and I'm finally getting used to being his mommy. We have definitely been bonding the last couple weeks. We have left him with relatives for a few hours here and there from the start but this weekend was the first time I actually was sad to leave him and missed him while DH and I were out. I'm being much more patient during his crabby times and he's having less of them as I get better at anticipating his needs. I don't have a lot of time to reflect on things like I did before him but I have occasional moments when I can't believe after all our years of infertility that this is the amazing little boy God wanted me to have. I think its a lot like marrying DH. On our wedding day someone said to me that I was the calmest bride they had ever seen. That's because I knew without a doubt that DH was the man God wanted me to marry. Even in the rough times after we were first married, I may have been mad at DH and wished I wasn't married to him but I never doubted that I was exactly where God wanted me to be, which left me no options other than working it out and changing my own attitude and bad habits. I know without a doubt that J is the child God meant for us to have, even when I'm frustrated and in tears myself while J is screaming his sweet little head off. Its not easy but I know I'm right where God wants me to be.
I haven't really written much about J yet but he really is a good baby. We have done a bedtime routine from the beginning and he is very consistent now. Around 7pm we put his pjs on, go to his nursery, turn the music on and have a bottle. At first I was insistent that he sleep in his crib and we were using the rock n play for naps during the day. Our bedtime routine was taking hours and by the time he'd finally be out for the night we were both exhausted. So I gave in and let him sleep in the rock n play but now its only for night and he doesn't take naps in it during the day. I realize that I cause a lot of my own problems by my own self imposed rules but I feel like it will pay off later. We only use his room upstairs at night and I think it has helped him to associate it with bedtime because he has never seemed to have his days and nights mixed up. Now he takes naps downstairs in the pack n play, on the floor, in the swing, on the couch or in the bouncy. His daytime naps are a lot shorter than they were when he was napping in the rock n play but at least now our bedtime routine is only 1/2 hour instead of 5 hours. I know a lot of people keep their kids up late but early bedtime is my sanity saver. Once J is out for the night he doesn't wake up until midnight so I can get some work done, go to bed early or even watch a movie with DH. I usually go to bed early and DH does the midnight feeding. Occasionally he will sleep from 7pm-2am. He's pretty consistent though and usually wakes at 12am, 3am, 5am and is up for the day with DH at 7am. Even though I'm still getting up with him a lot he always eats and goes right back to sleep and I'm snuggled back in my bed within 1/2 hour.
We've had a lot of trouble finding a formula that agrees with him. He has so much gas and has from the start. When he came home from the hospital he was on Similac Sensitive but that made him constipated. Our pedi said to give him corn syrup twice a day. That helped him to go but I did not want to have my 2 week old baby hopped up on sugar. I asked if I should switch formula and they said no just keep up with the corn syrup for a week and then call them back if he wasn't better. But I tried switching to enfamil newborn anyway. This made him more regular but he was still having really bad gas pains all the time. I never did call our pedi back. Instead I took him to see our chiropractor. We met her because she actually works on animals also and we take our older dog to see her. She showed me how to do a tummy massage that literally deflates him instantly. She also suggested holding him to my chest and bouncing on an exercise ball. I'd never heard of this but it has been our lifesaver! If he is gassy we bounce for a few minutes, then I burp him and repeat. If he doesn't burp and is just fussy, I cradle him while bouncing and he is always out within 15 minutes, never fails! And its a good core workout for me :) Our chiro also said that I should put him on Nutramigen by enfamil and he improved instantly. But its super expensive and after a few weeks as he ate more we decided we just can't afford to keep him on it. So we started mixing it with Enfamil Gentlease and that's been working well for us. He's on his last can of Nutramigen and then will just be on the Gentlease. I plan on eventually switching him Enfamil Infant as he gets older and his tummy can digest it better.
Another thing we love is our moby wrap. He likes the stroller and car rides too but loves the moby the most. We take the dogs for a walk everyday. Having him in the moby frees up both hands so I can walk both dogs. People probably laugh and say I have my hands full walking with a baby and two big dogs but we manage. For my sanity we need to get out of the house. We have walked up to 3 miles at a time. When its super hot outside we walk on the treadmill. A little exercise goes a long way for me, I go crazy and get depressed if I just sit around the house all day.
He is smiling a lot at random times and I think he's starting to smile at us. Its still hard to say if its in response to us or if its just cause we're right there while he's happy. But he's adorable when he's happy and when he's sleeping. Not so adorable when he's screaming but we love him anyway. It is getting easier as we all adjust to each other. Bmom still texts me a lot although its not every day anymore. Sometimes I don't respond to her. I feel bad but I just need to bond with J without bmom in my head all the time. We love her and she will always be part of our family but its hard to think of J as mine when she is always texting and asking for pictures or asking how "her" little boy is doing. I am looking forward to seeing them again but I don't feel like I'm ready yet. Its been about a month since we had our last visit. They are talking about coming here next visit. In some ways I don't mind having them here since they are good friends but at the same time it feels like they would be intruding on our family in a way that I'm not ready for. Like I said, I'm still trying to wrap my head around our new little family of 3 and with bmom and bdad always inserting themselves, it gets confusing. I'm happy we have an open adoption and wouldn't want it any other way but at this point I still just feel like I need some space from them. We will probably visit them early November and if they don't come here before that I would be okay with it. But I could never say that to them. I can see ways that she is moving on and healing so I think it will get easier for all of us as time goes by.
I can't wait to post pictures on here! We have to wait until finalization which will happen the end of October. I still have not had any professional pictures taken but I'm trying to set that up to happen soon. I want to do it before he gets too much bigger. I also love how everyone takes pictures of their little one each month with a onesie or sign that says how old they are. I've not found time to do that and now I feel like since I didn't do it from the beginning I don't want to start now. Oh well, we still have lots of cute pictures.