Sunday, December 12, 2010

You Can Have Me

I've been thinking, my blog has been lacking joy and praise lately. Strangely when I feel the most over powering joy is when I'm driving to or from work and a song like this comes on the radio. It puts everything into perspective and makes me feel so close to my Father. Doesn't a song like this just make you feel good? The idea of "Father of love you can have me" just makes me feel so peaceful knowing there is no one better to be in control of me and my life. I just don't know how to put it into words but I'm sure many of you probably understand.

I've been a little stressed lately about deciding what to do with fertility treatments and work. I'm kind of funny about work because I've never wanted to work outside the home. I did it because we needed the money. When we didn't need the money I did it because we didn't have kids yet and I needed something to keep me busy. When I presented with the new opportunity with the post office last summer, I didn't think twice about it. DH and I had discussed long ago that if that opportunity presented itself I would have to take it. So I did, without hesitation. If I had hesitated I would have probably turned it down like I did so many other jobs. I simply trusted that God gave me the opportunity and that He would make the most of it for me. It turns out it has been a really really good thing for me. Now He has presented me with a new job opportunity that DH and I always said I would have to take. So again without thinking I accepted it. Although I still have a lot of reservations about it. I'm trusting God to make good things come of it, like I know He will. Its becoming easier to blindly go where He leads me in so many areas of my life. Yet when it comes to fertility treatments I'm still utterly confused. He has provided us the funds and opportunity to do treatments. But I have reservations and I doubt that just because He provided the funds it does not mean its a green light. Sometimes I'm not even sure I could handle the responsiblity of children.

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