I just need to say how I hate that question. Here's how the conversation usually goes.....
How long have you been married now? --- 7 years
Really? 7 years and you don't have any kids? ---nope
Why? You don't want kids? ----well, we can't actually have kids
You or him? ---at this point I attempt to change the subject
I can handle the first two questions, the third is getting borderline and the forth I just consider crossing the line. How is it any else's business whether DH or me is the cause of the problem, WE are infertile, WE can't have kids. In case they missed that part in health class it takes a WE to make a baby. I'm just so annoyed that people feel its any of their business whether my uterus is broken or my husbands sperm count sucks. Maybe next time I get asked that, I should say "well the problem is my husband's sperm count sucks, how's yours? Is your uterus functioning properly? Have you been checked out by a dildo cam lately or jacked off in a little cup?" Seriously people, if you would be uncomfortable answering those questions why is it okay to ask me those questions.
The only exception would be a fellow infertile who has had a date with the dildo cam or spilled the goods in a cup recently. If a fellow infertile wants to swap war stories and talk about the battle wounds then by all means feel free to ask "you or him".......if not then mind your own business!