Saturday, March 27, 2010

I'm bad at this

Wow, I'm not a very good blogger! Nearly another month has passed and I've hardly written. I've decided to make this blog my IF and personal feelings only. All of my farm related posts I'll be adding on to our website. The reason is because people in real life want to keep up with our farm stories but I don't want them reading the personal stuff. I can barely keep up with one blog, how will I manage two? Soon it will be summer and I won't be working at the preschool so hopefully I'll have more time.

I'm really trying to get back into working out and losing some more weight. I've been working on the couch to 5k running plan this week. I've done it several times before but then I get lazy. Since the weather is nice I've got the work out part down but I'm still having a tough time getting back to eating healthier. I have such a sweet tooth I just can't control it most days. And now with all the Easter candy....yikes!

One day about a week ago my brother and SIL had us over for dinner. We suspected there was a reason because there is ALWAYS a reason with them. Turns out they are writing a will and want to put in it that DH and I get the kids if God forbid, anything ever happened to both of them. BUT they aren't really comfortable with it because we hardly ever see them even though they are less than 5 miles away. I feel good that they would consider us their best option and guilty because they are right, we don't spend much time with them. I wouldn't want to leave my child to someone who is practically a stranger to him either. But its SO hard for us to be around their happy little family. When they found out about our IF they always said if there is anything they can do to let them know. I can't imagine what they could possibly do except stop making me watch their happy little family continue to grow. I sort of wonder if they think they are "helping" by making us play with my nephew more. You all know how people say "well if you ever need a kid fix, you can have mine for a while!". Like babysitting someone else's kids is suppose to heal all the pain and longing we infertiles suffer. Fertile people will NEVER understand how playing with their kids only makes us feel worse. We did agree to make more of an effort to spend time with our nephew and soon to be niece. It sucks but its the right thing for us to do. There are times to protect myself from pain (i.e. babyshowers) and times to get over myself, grow up and do what's best for someone else (in this case my nephew).

DH is now taking herbs also. His is "Jing Qi" made by Golden Flower Chinese Herbs. Our acupuncturist has apparently diagnosed him with Kidney Yin Deficiency. So I was doing some research on TCM and this particular diagnosis. I'm amazed at how many symptoms DH has! From what I've read he needs to drink more water, eat less spicy food, have more sex and keep "the goods" cool. He's been taking the herbs for about 3 weeks now and I asked if he's noticed any difference. He did say that he doesn't have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night as much. So maybe the herbs will help correct his yin deficiency and help his sperm quality. We know now that his numbers are not impossible to change, there is hope for normal numbers. But I don't want to get my hopes too high because a while ago DH was going for acu every two weeks and it didn't seem to help, although he was taking clomid at the time and that was disasterous for his numbers.

Our plan is to try these herbs for three months and get another SA done at the urology lab. I've said for a long time that our RE is an IVF salesman and I'm convinced his lab is super strict so that he can further his IVF sales. So we'll have an SA done at a different lab and see if there is a difference. Depending on the results we are considering doing another IUI at another clinic. This would require a 3 hour drive but if they will work with me we could hopefully drive down for the day 12 u/s and day 14 iui. We could make it a mini vacation and stay for a couple days. My body has always been right on schedule and predictible when on meds. We'll see how the SA turns out first though. DH has usually has much worse counts when the weather heats up. If the SA is bad we will just wait until next winter. January seems forever away but time goes by fast. And who knows, God could bless us with a miracle at any time!

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