And now I'm more confused than ever. First for a positive, my theories about Dr. H's lab look to be correct. This lab evaluated DH's morph at 47% normal according to WHO standards, compared to Dr. H 0% normal kruger. I could expect some variation in labs and I understand Dr. H's lab is more trained in this but how can one lab say we have absolutely no normal sperm and another lab say we have above normal sperm (30% considered normal). It doesn't make sense unless Dr. H's lab is super strict so that he has some evidence to support his IVF sales. There is also the possiblity that DH's herbs have helped but I seriously doubt they would have made that big of difference. So good news about the morphology at least.
Now for the bad part that has me more confused. They found a lot of bacteria and WBC, abnormal color, appearance and liquification. I'm not at all concerned because DH was pretty sick last week and that's all evidence of an infection the body is fighting. The part that has me worried and confused is that count was back to 5mil/ml, which is pretty typical for DH. So I'm wondering if he's just back down now because this is the norm for him or if it was just low because he was sick. So do we do an IUI hoping its just cause he was sick or do we not do it because its probably just him getting back to his normal levels? Motility was 33%, which is also typical of him, he's usually in the 30s but it has helped to up his vitamin C. I'm feeling frustrated because I still don't know what we should do and I was really looking forward to trying an IUI again. We will definitely be doing one in January of next year but that seems so far away. This SA gave us no real answers. I wish we would have done an IUI in January of this year when DH's count was so much higher instead of listening to Dr. H and his whole IVF sales pitch. And then I wonder if DH's morph isn't that bad and his count was normal why didn't we get pg on our own? I'm not buying that DH's morph is normal just because this non-expert lab said so but I don't think its as bad as Dr. H says either.
Oh yeah and its Mother's Day tomorrow and I'm PMSing. The combination of all this makes for a great weekend. I'm not in the best mood. I put way too much of my heart into hoping for a successful IUI and now its not looking good and I'm sad. I was doing so well convincing myself I didn't care if I had a baby or not. I'm trying to shake this negative attitude but with Mother's Day tomorrow I'm having a hard time. I hate mother's day, just a yearly reminder that there is a special club I'll never be a member of. *sigh*
There is just one thought that's been bugging me. Last Sunday I was flipping though channels and there was one of those Sunday morning preachers on and I stopped for a second. Usually I'm skeptical and don't give them much credit but this one had my attention. He was talking about faith and when people say its "a sign from God" or "its not meant to be." He was making the point about how people give up at the littlest challenge and say "oh its not meant to be or God would have made it easier." Really got me thinking about my situation and how often I do that. He used the example of the men who were taking the crippled man to Jesus and lowered him through the roof because it was so crowded around Jesus that day. They didn't say "its too crowded, we can't get to Jesus, it must be a sign that your not meant to be healed." They had faith that if they could just get in the room with Jesus, the man would be healed and they fought and struggled with crowds and hoisting this man up to the roof and cutting a hole and lowering him down. That doesn't sound like an easy task. They didn't take their difficulties as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. But then I'm confused more because sometimes we do need to listen for God's voice telling us not to go forward, that he has a different path. And sometimes he tells us by making the path we want to take difficult. This Sunday morning TV preacher at least gave me something to think on this week. Unfortunately I haven't come to any conclusions either way.