Surrendering control of your life takes a lot of trust and a lot of faith. But the rewards are countless. The very first thing I truly surrendered was our finances. I remember when we first got married how stressed we would get about money. After a couple years we finally let it go and stopped worrying about it. No, money did not magically start falling from heaven and I still haven't found a money tree but the Lord has provided for us. There are times where I would start to worry but just reminded myself that God loves us and will take care of us. I really can't remember any times that we were really hard up for money in the past several years, not that we haven't been but it doesn't stand out in my memory because I never let it worry me or stress me out.
The second thing I really had to surrender took longer. It took four years of infertility before I surrendered it. But it was surrendering more than my fertility, I had to surrender my hopes, my dreams, and my future. It is not in my power to control it so why bother. Its not easy to explain to others how to give up control. I wish I had all the answers and could draw a simple map for others about how to find the peace and joy in the Lord that I've found. Last Sunday our Pastor said you don't have to be happy, you just have to be joyful. A few years ago that wouldn't have meant anything but now it spoke right to my heart. After 26 years the difference between happiness and joy is crystal clear. Thank you Lord for teaching me so much through my infertility. What a blessing!
So now I'm feeling stressed about my job and I keep reminding myself that it is not in my control and I wouldn't want it to be. I'm more than happy to sit back and let God work it all out for the best, I always make the wrong choices anyway. As I said the other day, he has brought me to this place for a reason, he won't abandon me now. In fact He has taken care of me for 26 years and it keeps getting better, He won't fail me now. It will all work out just fine. Praise the Lord for his guiding and all knowing hand!
Here's something else I've been thinking seriously about lately. Sin. DH's brother says he'll find a church and get baptized when he settles down and gets married. I know why, its because he doesn't want to give up his life of sin and he doesn't want to be held accountable for his actions. He thinks being a Christian means you have to be good. But here's the part he doesn't understand. Having Jesus in your life doesn't mean you don't sin and it doesn't mean that you have to want to life a Godly life - at first. Eventually as you grow in your faith and come to love Christ and fully understand what He does for you, you start to desire living a Godly life and serving him because you just love him so darn much you want to please your Heavenly Father - much like little boys want to please their earthly fathers. But that is certainly not expected for someone who is just coming to Jesus and new to their faith. We all have sins we don't want to give up, I even have sins that I don't want to ask forgiveness for because I don't want to stop, even though I know its wrong. I know I should pray for help in giving up these sins but I'm afraid if I pray for that I might actually get help and might actually give them up! That's how sin is sometimes, sometimes it makes you feel good and you like it, even though you know its wrong. I think DH's brother thinks if he becomes a Christian he'll have to be a "saint" like DH. And someday he might be but only when he comes to that same depth of faith that DH is at. Right now the Lord is going to work on his heart whether he wants it or not because my family is praying like crazy for DH's family to find Christ and we all know that Jesus loves to answer prayer, He just works slowly sometimes. And why not? He has all the time in the world to save another soul, what's the rush for Him? We're the ones running out of time.