Sunday, July 8, 2012

Insenstive Comments

We met with our expectant birthparents this week and 2 of the expectant grandparents.  And it went great!  As we get to know them better, they feel more and more like family.  I know I've said it before but this feels like such a perfect match that I can't imagine this adoption failing.  We talked about the baby a lot, which always makes me feel better because I always feel like I shouldn't bring it up.  Which I know is silly but I don't want them to feel like all I care about is the baby.  The grandparents asked a lot about our family and our lives but it didn't feel weird or like we were being interrogated.  I always imagined the relationship with our adopted child's bio family to be uncomfortable but a good friend told me it wouldn't be, the only reason she gave was "it just isn't".  She was 100% correct and even now I can't give a better reason myself.  It just isn't.  Why do we always need concrete reasons for everything anyway?  A little bit of faith can go a long way.  Bdad's mom said before she left that she's really excited for us and that this is going to be one lucky little boy.  A simple thing for her to say but it really meant a lot to me.  It would be wrong for me to say I loved our baby's (he will be referred to as J from now on) bio family immediately but I definitely feel love growing for them as the days go by.  Never in a million years did I expect adoption to be this awesome of an experience. 

On a little more negative note, I've been sort of sensitive to comments well intentioned people have been making and I'm afraid its only the beginning.  Here's what I've heard this week.....

"I hope the ultrasound is wrong and its a girl so our little girl has someone to play dolls with".

"When is the baby coming?"  followed by "Is she ready to get rid of it yet?" 

"If she is still with the father, I just can't understand why she wouldn't want to keep it".

"I'm just concerned about you possibly homeschooling, don't you know those kids have issues.  He needs the social interaction of school and you don't even have a teaching degree." 

All of these comments made by my family and DH's family, not random strangers.  And the homeschooling idea is just something we're considering and will do more research on.  Just like the person who made that comment should do more research instead of making ignorant comments before checking his facts or meeting some homeschooled kids.  But I won't get into that debate today, J is not even here yet and people are acting like we're bad parents.  I'm sure there is much more where that came from. 

J will be here soon, I don't think he'll make his due date.  My sub is on vacation so I hope he waits one more week.  Last week her amniotic fluid was low, she got it back up to an acceptable level but if she can't keep it there they will induce, even though she doesn't want to be induced.  She said she is not ready to have this baby because she doesn't want to not be able to work.  I think part of it is because she wants to hold on to him as long as possible.  I'd be worried if she wasn't attached to him but I know that signing the papers will be really hard for her and that makes me nervous.  Thank goodness she is going to the doctor regularly now so they are watching her closely.  We found out this week that she didn't know she was pregnant until she was 4 months along.  I'm praying he will be healthy even though he hasn't had much prenatal care until recently.   


  1. I am super sensitive especially when it comes to my babies. I have come to the conclusion that people just speak without thinking. Sometimes I mention things my parents have said in the past and they have no recollection of it.
    I am so glad to hear you are bonding with the bio family, it sounds like you are all on the same wave length.
    Take care, and I can't wait to hear all about J`s entry into the world. I am sure anytime he arrives it will be the best day of your life.