I have been thinking based on some comments made to me that perhaps I'm hiding in fear. What am I afraid of? Well just about everything related to IF these days. Is it holding me back? Is fear making decisions for me? Yes, a lot of what I'm thinking is lead by fear and I'm just using the excuse that God doesn't want us to do anything about having a baby right now. I don't doubt God called on us to wait last year after our m/c but maybe he's not still calling on us to wait, maybe I'm letting fear keep me from trying. Why won't I let DH get another SA? I'm afraid of getting the same or worse results. Why won't I go back to the RE? I'm afraid of going to the place that caused me so much pain, afraid it will cause me more pain. Why won't I do more treatments? I'm afraid it won't work and will turn out to be a waste of money. Why won't I waste money on treatments that won't work? I'm afraid I won't have that money for other things when I need it. Why won't I keep trying and put my hope in Him? I'm afraid He won't give me what I want. I'm afraid He will give me what I want and I won't be happy with it. Fear is controlling a lot of my life right now. Even if I don't have all the answers I need things are getting a little clearer. I'm reading a Beth Moore bible study right now and one of the verses from scripture in my reading for today was from Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Coincidence that I read that today? Nope, not at all. I still don't know where I'm going but I know I can't sit here being fearful and discouraged. DH wants to do another SA, so next week he will be doing another SA and see where things are at and what we should do next.
Since everything so far has been about our IF and this isn't meant to be a strictly IF blog I'm going to add a little something else today. Its below zero temps and the roads are icy today leaving me stuck inside and getting a little stir crazy. So I'm going to make some goat milk ice cream. I call it HunnyBunny Ice Cream, instead of BlueBunny since our goats are named Hunny and Bunny. Don't ask me why I would want ice cream on such a cold day. Here's my super simple, super yummy recipe....
2 C. Goat Milk
1/2 C. Sugar
1 tsp. Vanilla
Only today I'm making chocolate ice cream. I haven't tried that flavor yet so we'll see how it goes. Our goats aren't in milk right now but I have some in the freezer. One thing I learned the hard way about freezing goat milk is that it doesn't filter well when thawed. We were on vacation last summer and I had a relative milk the goats and in my effort to make things as easy as possible for them I told them to just freeze it right away. It is nearly impossible to filter after freezing and if you do manange all your left with is skim milk.