Saturday, October 9, 2010

Some Days I'm Stupid

I just don't know why sometimes I do things that I know I shouldn't. Today is one of those days. I just can't wait to go to bed and wake up tomorrow so that I can start over. I've had a bad cold this week so while I've stuck to my calorie range and gotten the minimum 30 minutes a day of exercise this week, I've felt lousy. I decided today was a free day, a day where I wouldn't count calories or exercise. A day to rest and feel better. Well I feel worse and here's why....I made a lot of dumb choices today. Puppy chow and a glass a milk for breakfast? Dumb choice #1. Mindlessly surfing the net for 2 hours after work this morning - dumb choice #2. Eating a huge plate of nachos left over from taco night a few days ago - #3. Afternoon nap followed by 1.5 hours of TV- that's #4. At this point its about 3pm and I was feeling like garbage and like I wasted the day away so I went out to the farm to take care of my chickens and then took the dog for a short walk. I harvested my 8 pumpkins and pulled up the dead vines. Finally I accomplished something. I came back inside, ate a piece of left over cake from my parents anniversary this week and went back to mindlessly surfing the web. I visited the nest/bump. I haven't been there in almost a year, ever since all my infertile friends moved on to endless IVF treatments and eventually all got pregnant. This is huge mistake #5. Sure it was nice to see they all had toddlers by now but it was just a painful reminder that they moved on and I didn't. And worse yet, my baby is suppose to be 1 year old this month. Hello pity party! I knew it would make me sad to visit all my old buddies on the nest but I did it anyway. I knew eating garbage food and being lazy today would make me feel terrible but I did it anyway. WHY?! Why must I do things I know will not make me feel good and will not make me happy. I totally need to make better decisions. *sigh* I feel bloated and PMSy but AF is still a whole week away. Oh well, tomorrow I will wake up and make it a better day.


  1. yes. tomorrow will be another day. i know what you mean. i've had a week off work for a break and it has been nice but there have been a couple days where i just moped around and i think it made me more depressed than relaxed. grrr. #5 is a hard one huh. 90% of my friends are already moms or expecting or ttc and my 2 good infertile friends are preg too... it is hard to escape the reality, sigh... and hard to not think of your own journey and loss... praying God will sustain us both through His comfort.

    great job on the weight los stuff. 6lbs is good stuff! hope your day goes well.

  2. Here is a song that I really think will speak to you right now:

    It's called "Stars Will Fall" by Aaron Shust.

    Love you, friend. God loves you very much, too.

  3. I think it's good to mix things up a little bit with what you're eating! ;) At least you actually went for a walk/worked in the yard a bit! I hope the rest of your weekend was better and this week is great! Keep up the good work on the weight loss!

  4. Lori- that is such a beautiful song, nearly brought tears to my eyes! Thanks for sharing. By the way, what happened to Reflections of Something? Its been more like Reflections of Nothing lately - I miss reading your daily musings!