Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Moment I Have NOT Been Waiting For....

....has arrived. My SIL is going to the hospital tonight and by noon tomorrow the first grand-daughter will be here and she won't be mine. So far I'm doing okay and trying to be strong. I'm still convinced I don't want kids but as soon as I hold her, I'll remember that I do want a little girl more than anything and my heart will break. DH's brother is about to have a baby girl too and the other night I got really upset (PMS most likely) and just started bawling. When DH was trying to talk to me and make me feel better I said "I don't want to have a baby, I just want to be ABLE to!" The truth comes out I guess cause there it is. So many people get to choose these things but not me. My SIL is even choosing her baby's birthday by voluntary induction (which I don't agree with and question the doctor as she's not due for several days and is having no problems). But I can't even choose whether or not I get to have a baby, much less on what day. (Sigh) .... life is so unfair. I could sure use some prayers to get me through this week.


  1. praying that you feel joy and not sorrow

  2. ahhhhh! thinking of you and praying for you. so many preggie friends and fam around me. love it and can't handle it all at the same time... hope you and the hubby have a meaningful weekend coming up despite all the mad emotions.