Today as I'm lamenting the woes of PMS, I wondered why would God do this to women? Especially infertile women, I mean after all we go through He could at least take PMS away from an infertile. Ironically birth control helps rid PMS symptoms but is that an option for an infertile? To answer my own question I began thinking that Eve probably never had PMS until she ate that stupid fruit. Can you imagine how awful she must have felt after all these terrible consequences her and Adam suffered? How do you get over the guilt of ruining a perfect world and opening it up to sin and all the terrible things that go with it? Including PMS! I believe one thing we need to remember about the whole story is that God still loved Adam and Eve in spite of their misbehavior and He totally and completely forgave them. But do you wonder how Adam managed to forgive Eve? It could have only been by the grace of God because if DH and I were living in a perfect world and I made him eat a piece of fruit that shattered the perfection and brought pain and suffering for generations until the very end of time.....I have a seriously hard time believing DH could forgive me for that. I'm sure if he did it would definitely require some big time help from God.
But I digress.....back to pondering the woes of PMS. Why is it that sometimes PMS is really terrible and sometimes I hardly notice it at all. This month it is terrible and I still have 5 days to go. For the most part I usually get about 5-6 days post ovulation where I'm tired but still feel pretty good. About a week before AF shows I start feeling lousy. But its not always the same symptoms. Its just enough to drive an infertile crazy thinking, "well I didn't feel this way at this time last month - maybe I'm pregnant" or "I feel way better than I did at this time last month-maybe I'm pregnant"......"my bbs hurt maybe I'm pregnant"......"I have cramps on day 7 maybe I'm pregnant"....."I have to pee all the time maybe I'm pregnant"......."I fell asleep at 7:30pm.....maybe I'm pregnant"......"I'm spotting on day 10, I had a weird dream, I had insomnia, I felt like throwing up, I have a headache, I'm starving---maybe I'm pregnant".......BUT I'M NEVER PREGNANT!!!! How cruel is that? And I've always been told that PMS symptoms only start a few days before AF but that just isn't true for me, I have a whole week of serious cramps, crankiness, bloating, starving and general feeling crappiness. So maybe there is something wrong with me but all the doctors say I'm normal. I don't feel normal, I feel like a crazy person. What I don't understand is why can't it be the same all the time so I wouldn't always be guessing. Even though I know to ignore the symptoms cause its always just PMS, I can't stop that small little whisper that says "miracles happen". Please God, have mercy on all the infertiles and take away their PMS.
By the way, its nearly impossible to diet when battling serious PMS so I'm off to make some peanut butter cookies and shamelessly eat them until DH comes home and takes them away.